You remember that night when you came crying in my room? Well I do. You were wearing that pale yellow hoodie that your mother had gifted you on your birthday and blue pyjamas. Mascara was smeared around the bottom of your eyes and your eyes were coruscating brown, like fire glowing in ashes. You were crying, so terribly that it punched my heart every time I heard your sobs. You were complaining about your step mom, not because you hated her, but because you missed your mom so much. You denied of any activity involving you both. You said that her presence was a constant reminder that your mom was replaceable, and you wanted to keep her memories alive, the least you could do.
I guided you in my room, shutting the door behind. You sat on the couch, hands tied together in a fist, tears constantly dripping down your eyes.
You were speaking too fast, about how you think you are going to split with her, live in a new home, embellish it with your mom’s precious memories. And while I was listening to you, my eyes would fall on your mouth again and again. It had lost the smile, the happiness I always yearned to see.
Then you stopped speaking.
“Liam.” You said and brought me back to my consciousness.
I smiled weakly, but it broke my heart cause you didn’t smile back.
I inched closer to you, so close that I could feel your body radiating heat in the cold weather. With my thumb, I dragged a loose strand of your hair behind your ear. Then with another breath, I filled the excruciating distance between us. It was the first time I kissed you and I kissed you partly because i wanted to but more because I knew you’d push me away. But you didn’t. Your hands crawled up to grab my jacket and I was pushing you up against the soft material of the couch. Your lips were soft, I remember, your delicate exhales stirring the thoughts of my brain, wind to the fire under my skin.
You whispered my name in my ear as my lips grazed the frail skin of your jaw, your collarbone. Then I pulled away, only to scrutinise the intricate details on your face, the honey coloured skin, freckles sprinkled over your cheeks, fading with the height of the bones. Then I ran my thumb over your lips, calloused but still so beautiful, so delicate, so delicious. I kissed your forehead, your skin was warm,like mine, as though it were sweating fire.
“It is time that you need. Let the needles sew back your torn heart and let happiness cover your dark soul like stars.” I said and kissed you again, perhaps for the last time and this time, you smiled back.
Now, as I lie on this couch, even in the sunlight my soul screams of darkness, my skin parched to feel you, my ears like an abandoned cave echo your voice.
Now that you are finally with your mother, it is your memories clinging to my soul,and your memories embellishing the sombre crevices of my brain.